21 Aug 5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Dads

I have had a great friend and mentor for the last 25 years. I’ve watched him raise his kids since they were 5, 2, and 1. As a dad, he always seems to get it right. He is calm, solid, affectionate, wise, present, faithful, and has a great marriage. All his kids have turned out to be stellar humans and now are great parents as well. I’m grateful for his example and wisdom.

But there is a shadow side to having him in my life: comparison. While I work hard to be a great dad, sometimes my responses to my kids aren’t very All Pro Dadish. I’m tempted to think that my friend and mentor never would have responded that way. This comparison doesn’t inspire me; it defeats me. But when we stop comparing ourselves to other people, we are more able to be the kind of dad our kids need us to be. Here are 5 ways to stop comparing yourself to other dads.

1. Recognize your strengths.

Like me, my kids can struggle with ADHD and anxiety. Because I know the challenges and even the benefits of these struggles, I feel equipped to encourage and equip them. I’m also quick to apologize when I don’t respond as I should. I think this models how to apologize because my kids are great at apologizing, too.

2. Practice gratitude.

When my kids are struggling, I’m tempted to make an unhelpful comparison: “None of our friends’ kids are dealing with things this big.” But what is helpful is remembering how thankful I am for our family. Despite our individual challenges, when one of our 4 kids struggles, the other 3 come running. My kids are my heroes.

3. Beware of social media.

Men spend an average of 2.3 hours a day on social media, but at the end of our scrolling, we never think, “How refreshing.” Of course we don’t. It never feels good to compare your real life with other dads’ highlight reels. Instead, spend some time scrolling through photos of your family. That is worth the time—I promise.

4. Focus on your kid.

Maybe the only thing less productive than comparing ourselves to other dads is comparing our kids to other kids. When our first child was 18 months old, he wasn’t super verbal, while our best friend’s daughter spoke in full sentences. I asked my wife, “Should we take him to a specialist?” Oh, young Ted, you are so adorable. Let’s just say my son learned to talk very well and very often. At age 3, I had to say to him on long road trips, “Hey, son, it’s time to rest your voice.”

5. Celebrate the wins.

Dads, what do we get after a year of giving our all? Burnt breakfast in bed, World’s Best Dad mugs, and crayon drawings of us with disproportionately large heads. We want and deserve to be celebrated with upgraded electronics we don’t need. So, we must learn to celebrate ourselves. Spend a little time making a list of things you’ve gotten right as a dad. It will make the Hugs and Chores coupon book more palatable.
Sound off: How do you keep from comparing yourself to other dads?